One sunny afternoon, about two years ago, I was outside in my parents’ garden.

I was lying in a sun lounger and yet I was far from feeling relaxed.

On the contrary, I was feeling very heavy and drained of all my energy.

I had been congratulated for my good work. There were only a few weeks left

before I had to give my answer for an administrative job in college.

 

My contract had just come to an end at the same college and they were

pleased with my good work. My parents were happy for me, my mother

already saw me finding my place little by little, passing internal competitions

and becoming a permanent worker. The dream career plan, stability, job

security. And although I didn’t feel very excited about it, I told myself it was

the best I could dream of and it seemed like a good plan.

But still, my heart wasn’t in it. It is true that I was a hard-working,

conscientious employee. I could do anything I was asked to do with rigor. But

I had a passion. I’d always been creative and I felt like I was letting that part

of me die, that I was at the very least, locking it up, leaving it in a very small

space, suffocating it. And I felt like in the end…it would slowly die… that I

would feel depressed confined between 4 walls.

 

I was feeling lost and even guilty to want something else. Was it

reasonable? Wasn’t I being selfish?

I felt like I wanted to go far away to escape my current life.

 

It was very quiet in the garden that afternoon. The sun passed through the

branches of the lime tree and warmed my face and body. For a moment, I felt

completely at peace. No questions, no stress. No voice in my head pushing

me to accept this job offer, to make me think of the bills that need to be paid. I

didn’t have to go anywhere. I didn’t have to do anything. I just had to lie there.

 

Then, I did something terrible. Something extremely rebellious. Instead of

thinking about my career in college, I imagined that I made a living out of my

passion. How cheeky! I was completely absorbed by this daydream. I was

living it! I completely lost track of time.

I felt happy and light!

 

Later, came the time to give my response.

I wish I could say that the vision I had this afternoon gave me the courage

and the determination to start my own business and to live off my passion for

sculpture and BJD creation, but actually no.

I accepted the job offered by the college, because I had bills to pay, that’s all!

I finished my mission and although I was physically exhausted, I, once again,

started to look for a job.

 

My previous boss wanted me to go back, I was really hoping it would be

possible. Not really for the tasks as such, but mostly, because I had gotten

used to this department and my colleagues, it’s true that it wasn’t so

unpleasant and I didn’t want to go to another department once again if that

was possible.

But…this type of contract didn’t allow me to be hired a second time…

 

I found myself behind my screen, having to redo my resume, confused,

hesitant…

I felt a pinch in my chest. A tightness. Strong. Like the beginning of a panic

attack coming. Seconds went by. Then minutes.

I had to make that resume. But I couldn’t move.

 

Then, I heard a very calm voice in my head, a very sweet and benevolent

murmur:

 

“What about…not doing it?”

 

I was surprised by this voice. It came like a shock. I didn’t recognize it. Was I

losing my mind?

The voice insisted calmly:

 

“Don’t do it.”

 

It is this voice that Alexandra Franzen, an American blogger and writer, calls

“hut” (heart+gut).

 

“Hut” - the voice of the “Geart” - she says, is not the voice of reason, logic, of

an Excel spreadsheet. 

“Hut” is the voice of instinct, this inexplicable feeling of what is true for you

and only you. She doesn’t always speak with words. Sometimes she speaks

with feelings, pinches, an invisible hand on your shoulder, a fire in your belly,

tears in your eyes that won’t stop flowing.

 

That day, behind my screen, I once again did something daring and a little

rebellious. Something totally unlike this perfectionist, rational girl, with a well

ordered little life.

I decided to listen to both this voice of the heart and the guts.

I did not rewrite my resume again. I didn’t send it to potential recruiters to

answer job offers, never again. 

 

By the way, I had jobs on the side to get started, but jobs that I liked.

I made cheeky and spontaneous applications without a resume (What

happened to the shy girl who did not dare?) And believe it or not, I was hired!!

Later on, I officially filled all the paperwork needed to become self-employed. 

The rest of the story, you know it, I adopted my precious little rabbit, Bouh…

No, sorry! I’m digressing! 

 

I spent the next few months exploring more 3D creation, and because it’s

something I’m also passionate about, reading and learning a lot about

psychology, caring communication and personal development, creating Heiyu

and finally Ema’s little head.

 

These past few years have been filled with experiences and adventures.

At the end of October 2018, I went to Lyon, at the L-Doll, THE festival

dedicated to collectible dolls, to present Ema. 

My dream came true. At last!

 

This beautiful adventure started for one reason only:

 

That afternoon behind my screen, I listened to the voice of the heart and guts.

 

As she perfectly says, the voice of your heart and gut can speak to you today,

or tomorrow. Maybe when you are stuck in traffic. Maybe when you are in

your office at work. Maybe when you put your phone away and notice that

poster pinned on a board that you’ll get closer to and read, your body will get

these nice little electric shocks and you will know that whatever this poster

talks about, you will have to be part of it!

 

When you’re not sure what to do or which path to take, trust your “hut”.

 

When you’re not really sure of who you are anymore, trust your “hut”.

 

When you run your own little (or big) business (literally or figuratively), that

you have lots of things to deal with, when you’re feeling overwhelmed and

that this little voice starts to speak to you, insisting, slowly in the beginning,

then louder, listen to it. Trust it. Believe it.

 

“Follow that voice!” 

 

Chloë 

 

PS. If you enjoyed this Ray and if you want to share it with a friend, someone

from your family or whomever, please do it! You will find the link to do so at

the bottom of this page.

 

PPS. I would like to congratulate those would already follow the voice of their

heart and gut whether they had to make a big or small change to listen to it. I

would also like to congratulate those who will do it today or tomorrow.

 

Take care of yourself, you are the driving force of your business (and/or

simply your life!), don’t forget it along the way. Without you, your project won’t

go any further!

 

Listen to the little voice! 

 

Note: Inspired by Alexandra Franzen's Newsletter.

 

Aww, I still remember the day I received the photos taken by the caster.

When I saw them I couldn’t contain my emotion!

I couldn’t believe that it was my little Ema, that It was me who had created

her! 

I was filled with emotions :’)